


Five Letters

by Ineia



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Character Study, Diary/Journal, Gen, Light Angst, other characters mentioned very briefly, yachi is mentioned fairly briefly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-22
Updated: 2016-01-22
Packaged: 2018-05-15 11:27:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5783638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ineia/pseuds/Ineia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For a class assignment, Kageyama has to write letters to a friend in his class journals for the week.  So he writes to Hinata.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Letters

**Author's Note:**

> This is a little experimental for me, but hopefully it's all good!!  
> NOTE: I do not own Haikyuu!! and its related media. However the plot of this story, and other aspects I created, are my own work, derived from Haikyuu!!.

Dear Hinata  
We  ~~aresupposed~~  have to write to a friend for our language arts journals this week.  Our teacher said she won't check unless she thinks we aren't doing it.  So I'm going to write, and it'll look like I am doing it.

I have to keep writing so maybe I should write about why I chose to write to you.

I could have written to my cousin Miyako, but I'm sure she'd rather me write to one of my school friends.  She's always talking about how she worries I don't have friends at school.  Which is stupid.  I have enough people.

I mean–the whole volleyball team probably counts as my friends.  You especially.  Not because of anything particularly noteworthy about you, yourself, but we do a lot of stuff together.  Volleyball stuff at least.

Do friends count as friends if they don't really do things with you outside of school and sports?

Even at school, you don't eat lunch with me, unless we're studying with Yachi, which isn't that often.

Sometimes I think I see you giving me a pitiful or sad glance when I eat alone.

I hate that.

I don't need your looks of  ~~pit~~   ~~sadnes~~   ~~whate~~  


I just don't need that.  I think you're still my friend.  Friends don't have to do everything together, though some do.  Iwaizumi-san and Oikawa-san were (are? I have not been around them lately) like that.

I wonder who you're writing to.  It could be  ~~m~~  Kenma-san, Yachi-san, the Datekou guy,  ~~but~~  probably  ~~not me~~ one of them.

Maybe your class won't do this.  It's no use speculating then.  My teacher says we should finish up now.

I hope our quick works well at practice.

Sincerely

Kageyama Tobio

 

Dear Hinata

Yesterday in the club room you mentioned how your class how to do the letter thing too, but you ending up doodling instead and had to do double today.

Serves you right, dumbass, you have to do some work.  It's not like writing is particularly hard.

Our quick went pretty well yesterday. Only once did we mess up, but it was, admittedly, my fault.  Yachi had thrown the ball up and then said something to  ~~Hinata~~  you about reading the blocks and I was thinking what would you think if you read these.

You'd probably object to me calling you a friend, first.  And then you'd probably laugh at what I wrote.  Yesterday I was angsty, I think because I was just mad at having to do the assignment.

Today I'm in a better mood.

It's not difficult to just write, and I'm also excited because we have a practice match with the neighborhood association today.  You were excited too, but were more showy about it.

Writing what I'm thinking and feeling is easy, but showing it is so much harder.

You and Nishinoya-san are always doing that, showing exactly how you feel.  I can't do that.  When I'm smiling, it makes me scary apparently, unless miraculously my smile doesn't look terrifying because...  I dunno.

Your "resting face" is a grin, but mine is a frown and because I have dark hair and am tall I give off a frightening air.

I can't stop that.  It's irritating.  Because of it everyone is a little in fear when they meet me.  People have to know me and then they realize that's just my vibe.

You've gotten pretty good at ignoring that vibe, but sometimes Yamaguchi-san or even Yachi-san gets scared.  Not you though.  Never you.

Sincerely

Kageyama Tobio

 

Dear Hinata

We won the first of the practice games (we just did games, no match), then lost the next two, and then won the final one.  So we broke even.  Not bad.  You and I stayed after practice a bit longer to practice the quick, because it didn't go so well today, we messed up multiple times; I was in a good mood and I thought I played pretty well.  I think it was mostly you who messed up.

I think you were in a bad mood and it affected your playing.

I asked you if you were okay when we were practicing alone together but you were like "hey what's that supposed to mean" and got mad so I just didn't say anymore.

We decided we'd done enough once we did this one, final quick that was just so fast.  It must have been one of the fastest.  The sound of your hand hitting it and it hitting the floor were in such rapid succession they almost blurred together.

Your face lit up and I grinned and you told me that my smile isn't as scary when I really mean it in a happy way, and I threw a volleyball at you but I didn't stop smiling until we were in the club room.

You didn't mention who you wrote your double journal to.   ~~Was it~~ I guess you didn't think it was that important to share.  Not that I  ~~wantedto kn~~  was curious or anything.

I find this writing thing pretty easy, at least just journaling.  Putting your thoughts down isn't hard.

Talking is hard.  Writing isn't.

You'd probably call me stupid for thinking that, because it's the opposite for you.

You are someone who can't be contained by words.  Words can only describe and figuratively show so much.  To know you, you have to see you in person, in color and reality, full of life and light.

That makes you special—and it makes you  ~~bett~~   ~~more w~~  one of kind.

I'm not like that, and maybe that's why you don't like me.

Sincerely

Kageyama Tobio

 

Dear Hinata

You apologized and said you were off your game yesterday but you'd be ready today.

I didn't ask why, I just said "good."  I wanted to say "I'm glad you're feeling better."  I didn't.  That's part of the hard to express emotions thing.

I wonder why you were so out of it.  Maybe your parents were fighting, but I doubt that.  They came to a game once and seemed very happy.  That doesn't mean they don't fight, but I just got the feeling if they do, they would do it when you and your sister weren't around.

Maybe you just woke up on the wrong side of the bed.  I doubt that too, you usually wouldn't let that deter your playing...

Since you didn't bother to say, there's no use in guessing about it.

You did better yesterday.  We didn't mess up the quick even once.

Yachi-san was very excited.  She was so excited when she threw the ball up for me to set she hit me on the head.

She screamed and looked like she was in fear of her life.  You started laughing though, and Yachi calmed down as I told her it was fine.

I can't really be mad at Yachi.  I can be mad at you, because you're often a dumbass idiot, but Yachi has never had a mean thought in her conscience.  You've certainly wished bad omens on me.  I might have deserved some of them, especially in middle school.  Now, I  ~~hop~~ think you're less  ~~scar~~   ~~angr~~  uncomfortable with me.

Part of the reason our quick works so well is that you trust me.  It's the reason it used to work, definitely, but I think even more now.  Every time you have to be sure the ball will be there for you, every time you have to trust I'll do what I say.  Even if we aren't friends, you at least trust me.  That's more than I can say of any former teammates.

I  ~~onc~~   ~~thoug~~  used to think that trust wasn't needed to win, you just had to do and if everyone could meet your standard it'd be fine.

But now—it's  ~~differ~~  better.  We play better when we trust each other.  I like it better.

Knowing that someone trusts me, it's  ~~amaz~~ ~~wonderf~~ ~~coo~~ ~~differ~~ incredible.

You, Hinata, playing with you is incredible.

  
~~Yo~~   ~~You'r~~  You're incredible.

Sincerely

Kageyama Tobio

 

Dear Hinata

Today is the last day we have to write.  Most people are relieved.

I don't mind this that much, I don't know why so many people hate doing it.

Maybe you don't like it because you'd rather say what you're feeling than put it on paper.  For me, it's the opposite.  That's what made this journal thing so  ~~fu~~  nice.

I keep wondering if you are really my friend.  I almost asked if you were yesterday.  I didn't.  We were practice the quick, like usual, and we just did three really good ones in a row, and you were on top of the world and I almost blurted it out, right then.  But I didn't.  Maybe I should have.

Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like without volleyball.  I don't a lot, because there's not a point in wondering about something so impossible, but I can't help it sometimes.

Without volleyball I wouldn't have met you.  I wouldn't have gone to Karasuno, probably.  Would I have had friends?  People are so hard to understand.  Volleyball is so simple.  This motion, this set, this strategy.  But people are so jumbled and confusing and hard to wrap my head around.

If I hadn't been so interested in volleyball, would I have learned how to make more friends?

Would I still be alone?

Every time I think "I'm alone" I hear your voice in my head.

"I'm here!"

Yeah.  In volleyball you are.  And that is a fantastic thing to rely on.  But outside of the cl ~~ub~~ –I guess it's not really your job to be there outside of volleyball.  I  ~~feel~~  think that's a friend's job.  So, then I guess then you aren't my friend.

 

I  ~~gue~~ don't have any real friends.

I want you to be my friend.

But you're not.

I couldn't even ask you if you were.

I know the answer now—I actually probably knew since I wrote my first entry but I just didn't want to admit it.  I didn't want to think it out, because now that I know, it's real.

I shouldn't have even addressed these to  ~~yo~~  him.

  
~~Yo~~  Hinata Shouyou is not my friend.

I wish  ~~yo~~ he was.

Sincerely

Kageyama Tobio

**Author's Note:**

> Wow this ended up a hell of lot more depressing than I thought. This was originally gonna be maybe just the first entry as a little experimental drabble but I kept going... And going...  
> So the point of, or moreover the reason for, the fic's existence was solely for me (writing as Kageyama as it ended up) to think out Hinata and Kageyama's relationship. But thinking out = writing out, which is the way I understand a lot of things.  
> Their dynamic fascinates me and at the same time it's very odd because they have this deep connection but it's only in regards to volleyball. Apparently, they don't eat lunch or really do anything outside of volleyball together. Which is fine on Hinata's side because he clearly is social and happy enough that he probably has his own non-volleyball focused part to his social life, he definitely has friends from middle school and he clearly can make friends with just about anyone, so I don't see a lack of friends as an issue for him.  
> But on Kageyama's side?? The more I thought about it, the more I was like "does Kageyama have a life outside volleyball??" he obviously has no friends from middle school and he's not that outgoing socially and he's not good with people so does he have any friends outside of teammates??  
> ???  
> I dunno—however, this is basically my take of Kageyama's possible perspective on the matter.  
> If anybody has any ideas of Kageyama's life outside of volleyball, I'd love to hear your thoughts.  
> Thanks for reading!!  
> tumblr: ladyineia.tumblr.com


End file.
